Open letter to an Agnostic friend
Dear Rich, 6/12/2012
I have been rolling things around in my mind for a while, things that I have to tell you, so I hope you are not offended by my letter.
First, I think it is important for me to stress, I am 100% sure that there is a God, and that He is indeed the God of the Bible. In short, I have learned that He is True, not because " this religion thing" works in my life, but that "this religion thing" works in my life because He is True. Thirty-four years ago, my life REALLY changed, and I could spend hours and pages telling you ways I had changed. But suffice it to say, the new Randy entered into a new realm of life, sort of like if I had lived my whole life in a cave with only artificial light, and one day walked out into the sunlight.
So this new life... What is the difference? Before, while I considered myself a nice guy who really did care about people, I really was just a selfish guy who pretty much lived for myself. Even the " kind and unselfish" things were basically to help me uphold my own image of myself, so they even carried the ultimate goal of selfishness.
So one day, even though my life was pretty good, and things were pretty much going my way, I had this deep internal longing for "something more, something meaningful". I had been raised to believe in God, kind of a cultural Christianity, and I admit, I did believe in God, never really doubted, but, man, I sure did question the religious aspect that I had been taught. The whole church thing left me cold, like it was just part of a game. So when I went to college, I left the church.
Now, when I say I believed in God, I only prayed to Him if I was in a fix, or scared, and I always assumed that He had kind of protected me throughout my life. But I can honestly say that the first time I ever heard someone talk about the relationship aspect of belief in God, I think it just went right over my head. See, I had never really known anyone that was a Christian, who was any different from anyone else, except for going to church, and maybe not cussing or drinking. So, anyway, after college, young married guy with a kid, we move back to my hometown, join my old church, return to the same cultural Christianity I had been raised in. The trouble was, even as I took on responsibilities in the church, I just felt empty, shallow, like a kid pretending to be an adult.
Then, someone asked me to teach a high school Sunday school class, and I said I would. To be honest, I had hardly even read the Bible in all my 26 years of life, and here I was trying to teach it. Needless to say, I was pretty boring. Truthfully, I didn't see the magnificence that was the word of God, and I was only teaching it as some kind of good book of good sayings.
So the second Sunday, we came to this part in the Bible where some old guy named Nicodemus came up to Jesus to ask him a question. Now he was a religious leader, had all the fancy robes, all the respect of the common folk, but something about this young carpenter had him looking for something more, like he was beginning to realize that he felt kind of empty. So he asked Jesus what he had to do to find this eternal life that Jesus was talking about. Jesus looked him right in the eyes and said, "Unless a man is born again, he cannot even see the kingdom of God." WHAT? What the heck does that mean? (that's what went through my head , and that's what went through Nicodemas's head, too). Now remember, as I'm reading this, I have a bunch of sleepy, bored high schoolers sitting around me, waiting for me to explain something to them, and I literally don't have a clue. So I just skipped over it, and moved on.
The next morning, driving to my first stop( I drove a truck for Pepsi) I was in a funk, really feeling depressed, down, empty! Seemed like a time to pray, so I prayed. "God, why do I feel so bad?! I went to church, I taught sunday school. Shouldn't I feel good on Monday if I do that on Sunday? ..... And WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE BORN AGAIN??!!
Rich, I know I told you this story the day I met you, but I want you to see it written down, so indulge me , okay?
Anyway, I shuffled into the first grocery store with my head down, hoping I didn't have to smile or talk to anyone, because I just wasn't feeling it. Right at the back door, on the floor on top of a big pile of trash the floor crew had swept to the back, there was a little paper with bold letters, HAVE YOU BEEN BORN AGAIN? I picked it up, put it in my pocket, and walked out of the back room into the store. There was another one, with bold letters, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE BORN AGAIN? I picked it up and put it into my pocket.
A little later, as I was leaving the store, I got into my truck, started the engine, and pulled both of these papers out, read them from front to back. At the end of each of them, there was a prayer, and I read it aloud, meaning every word. The words were something like accepting the idea that I can't earn my way into God's favor, but that Jesus had died for everything that I had ever done wrong, and if I would accept HIS payment, I could be born again into His eternal life. So... I said yes, I do!
When I looked up, everything seemed different. I had never, ever felt such a sense of peace, and it was almost like I was seeing color for the first time. When I was in fourth grade, my parents took me to the eye doctor, and I got my first pair of glasses. When I walked out and saw the individual leaves on the trees for the first time, I was almost overwhelmed with wonder. I hadn't even realized before that day that there was anything wrong with my vision. And before this day, I hadn't even realized that there was anything more to life.
Now if this was the only thing that happened, that really wouldn't be much of a story. But a new life began in me that day. Layers of richness started filling my day to day experiences. I began to have a sense of God's presence and leading in my life, and I started, for the first time, to feel His incredible love for me.
So now, Rich, I have been walking with this Jesus for34 years, being thrilled over and over again with the people he brings into my life, and the constantly new directions he guides me into! You were one of those people that he has never let me forget. How long did we chat, about 20 minutes? Yet He has kept you on my heart, and in my prayers for all these years!
Right before Jesus was arrested to be crucified, he told his followers that he was going to give them a peace like they had never known, not a world's kind of peace that only lasted as long as nothing bad happened, but a peace that would follow them everywhere, through all kinds of trials and persecutions. That peace, my friend, is real!
I really don't know you that well, but I do know that this love of God is real, and that He loves you in that same way! You once mentioned that you thought you might read the Bible. If you do, remember one thing. It is a spiritual book, and it won't be understood without having the spirit of God. If you are looking for the truth, it is there! If you are only trying to prove it false, go for it. But, I'm telling you , it is the most powerful, the deepest, the most life changing book I have ever read, and I am still reading it, and learning more each day! I pray, Rich, that God's spirit will draw you to himself as he did for me, and that you, too, will find HIM!
Your friend, in the love that comes from The Father,
Randy Epps